Stopping our internal dialogue
A 3-step Stoic process to see things as they are
Our internal dialogue
When we are not talking to someone, what do we do? We talk to ourselves. Even as you read this, you might be saying something to yourself like,
Yes, that’s true.
Very interesting, Never thought of that.
I wonder if this is true.
No, I never talk to myself.
What has Stoicism to do with it?
Never heard anything so stupid.
I don’t think Chuck knows what he is talking about.
I just remembered. I’m supposed to call Dave today.
Or something else. Who are you talking to? Yourself. Who is listening? You. What do you talk about? Anything that pops into your head. Our mind is always chattering, judging, and analyzing. We never stop talking to ourselves from the time we get up until the time we go to sleep. And, of course, we talk to ourselves in our sleep, too.
The two worlds we live in
We live in two worlds: the one we think we live in and the one we actually live in. Our internal dialogue creates this alternative world. This is where we spend most of our time.
Try this: Think of some recent negative experience. Maybe you were angry or upset with someone. Maybe you were worried or anxious about something. Maybe you did something that you were deeply embarrassed about. Close your eyes and relive this experience. Continue doing so for the next couple of minutes. Now, open your eyes. Note what you see. Walls, windows, sunshine, rain, some noises? It can be anything, but it simply has nothing to do with what is going on in your mind.
Anyone in the room with you can probably see what you see, but the mental turmoil you experienced is your own. It doesn’t exist “out there.” While you live in a world of mental turbulence, someone next to you can live in a world of mental joy.
So, there are two worlds: one created by us and the other not created by us. Most of our problems are caused by living in the world of our creation and believing it is the only world.
Sustaining our inner world
Our inner world is unique to us. We create this world and sustain it by constantly and silently talking to ourselves.
The internal dialogue is what grounds people in the daily world. The world is such and such or so and so, only because we talk to ourselves about its being such and such and so and so. - Carlos Castaneda, The Wheel of time
We add commentaries to everything we experience. It is not “Someone bumped into me.” It is “Some careless idiot bumped into me.” It is not “So-and-so did not talk to me.” It is “So-and-so doesn’t like me and ignores me.” It is not “My boss did not think what I proposed was a good idea.” It is “My boss always denigrates my ideas.” So we start living in a world in which people don’t like us, careless idiots bump into us, and bosses always denigrate us. Such internal dialogues create and sustain an alternative world of our own creation.
People are disturbed not by the things which happen but by their opinion of them. - Epictetus, Encheiridion, 5
The opinion that disturbs us is created by our thoughts and nurtured by our internal dialogue.
The origin of inner dialogue: impressions
Objects that are far away look smaller. A stick, when partially immersed in water, looks bent. A loud voice in a small, enclosed room sounds much louder than in a wide open space. The same food tastes much tastier when we are hungry than when we are full.
“The way it seems to us” is called an impression or appearance (phantasiai) in Stoicism. When your boss did not think what you proposed was a good idea, your impression was, “I don’t think my boss values me.” We substitute our impression for reality and act as though our impression is the way the world is. It is like believing that the stick half-immersed in water is bent. Our impressions are unique to us. Other people may have different impressions of the same event. Our thoughts or “impressions” sustain the internal dialogue, creating an imaginary world in which we live.
A three-step Stoic process
The alternative world we create using internal dialogue is usually a lot scarier than reality. Through our internal dialogue, we create and maintain our worries, anxieties, anger, fear, and depression. When we stop our internal dialogue, the world as we have come to know it collapses and disappears because it is a creation of our minds and doesn’t really exist out there.
So, how do we get rid of the internal dialogue?
It is not easy. Modern neurologists tell us that our minds are designed to produce thoughts continually, whether they are true or not. But we can always make a start and get far in stopping the internal dialogue. Even when we cannot, we can minimize its effect on our thinking.
1. Create a gap
We can easily mistake a piece of rope for a snake while walking on a poorly lit country road. But if we take a second look before accepting that impression, we might realize that it is only a rope. We can do the same when dealing with any impression: create a gap between the impression and and our impression of the stimulus. We don’t accept our first impression of anything. Instead,
Start by challenging everything that appears disagreeable. “You are only an appearance. Let me fully understand what you are.” — Epictetus, Encheiridion 1
So, the first step in not getting carried away with your internal dialogue is to create a gap between your impression and its acceptance by you. If your impression is that your boss doesn’t value you, this step creates a gap between your impression and the internal dialogue that expands on it.
2. Separate facts from commentary
Your impression of the person who didn’t talk to you is that she doesn’t like you and ignores you. What is fact, and what is commentary here?
Fact: the person did not talk to you
Your commentary: she doesn’t like you and ignores you
You can apply this to all your impressions.
His son has died.
What has happened? His son has died. Nothing more than that? Nothing more.
His ship has gone down.
What has happened? His ship has gone down.
He has been taken off to prison.
What has happened? He has been taken off to prison.
But the observation ‘Things have gone badly for him’ is something that each person adds for himself.
Epictetus, Discourses 3.8
3. Re-assess the impression
You can now calmly reassess the situation. There are many ways to reassess your impression.
You have lost your job, and you think it's bad. But this is not under your control. Since it is not under your control, you have nothing to do with it. There is nothing good or bad about it. That’s the way it is.
Someone doesn’t talk to you, and you think she doesn’t like you. There might be other reasons why she didn’t talk to you. For example, she might have been distracted by something you are not aware of.
When we reassess our impressions, we will begin to see that we can’t be sure that our impressions and the internal dialogue that follows have any validity.
Even when we are not certain whether a disagreeable impression is true or not, it is to our advantage to treat it as false. This will avoid unnecessary internal dialogue that can only lead to a more disagreeable state of mind.
Summary
Our minds are constantly chattering, whether we realize it or not. This is our internal dialogue.
Our internal dialogues distort the real world we live in.
We should silence or slow down our internal dialogue to minimize the distortion.
We can minimize our internal dialogue by
Creating a space between the stimulus and our actions,
Separating facts from commentary, and
Reassessing our impression.
TRY THIS SIMPLE EXERCISE
Set your time for three minutes. Take any topic of your choice. For the next three minutes, decide not to think about any subject other than this. Note how many times your mind wanders away from the subject. This is your mind indulging in internal dialogue.
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140924
That's very similar to the Zen practice of just sitting and "watching" ones thoughts swirl around until one is just sitting.
I think it's great for sanity maintenance.
Thank you! I find that sitting and walking meditation improves my ability to pay attention to the world around me and notice when my my starts racing and to question my impressions (as laid in this article).