How to make and break habits

Our habits define who we are

Habits: The good and the bad

Habits make our lives easy. Someone who has a daily habit will find exercising easy and pleasurable. One who practices singing every day will find singing easy and pleasurable. Generally speaking, when something becomes a habit, it becomes easy to do and pleasurable as well. However, habits have a downside when they are undesirable habits. If you have a smoking habit, it becomes not only easy to smoke but pleasurable, too. If you have a habit of excessive drinking, it becomes not only easy to drink but pleasurable, too. So, we need to know not only how to develop positive habits but also how to break negative habits.

Your habits define you

Over time, your habits start defining you. So, what you do repeatedly should be compatible with who you want to be.

Each person is strengthened and preserved by actions that reflect his nature: A carpenter by the art of carpentry, a grammar expert by grammatical studies. If the grammar expert starts writing ungrammatically, his art will be destroyed. Modesty is preserved by modest actions but destroyed by shameless ones; trustworthiness is preserved by trustworthy behaviour while behaviour contrary to it destroys it. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.9

This is true of your emotional reactions, too.

The habits associated with who you want to be preserve your identity. When your habits are not associated with who you want to be, they have the opposite effect.

Acts of the opposite character preserve the opposite character. Shamelessness by shameless behaviour, dishonesty by dishonest behaviour, slanderousness by slander, a bad temper by anger, and miserliness by disproportionate taking compared to giving. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.9

As William James put it, “Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.” But many of us have difficulties making habits that we think are desirable. We probably have even more difficulties in breaking bad habits. Here are some suggestions to help you make and break habits more easily.

How to make habits

Our habits are physical (such as running and exercising) or mental (such as being kind or angry.)

1. Creating physical habits

Habits are created by repeatedly performing a task and maintained by regular practice. The more we repeat doing something, the more likely it is to become a habit. We form every habit and strengthen every capacity by doing things associated with it. When we feed a habit, it becomes strong.

Walking makes you walk better, running makes you run better. Want to be a reader? Read. Want to be a writer? Write. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.9

To create and maintain a habit, you should practice it repeatedly. We cannot let up on our practice even after we have formed a habit. This is how current habits become stronger and newer habits are formed.

Lie down for ten days and then try to get up and walk; you’ll see how weak your legs have become. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.18

2. Creating mental habits

What is true of physical habits is true of the habits of the mind. When you are angry, it is not an isolated bad thing. You have encouraged a habit, adding fuel to the fire. Don’t think of it as a temporary setback when you yield to lust. You have fed and strengthened your weakness. Remember, habits get stronger by actions associated with them. Every time you get angry, you increase your chances of becoming angry. Every time you gossip about someone, you increase the chances of gossiping about someone else in the future.

3. Feed the desirable habit

You feed a habit every time you repeat it. Your habit is strengthened, however, gradually with each repetition. So when you are trying to create a habit, don’t talk yourself into postponing it - “I’ll stop smoking next week,” “Let me sleep in today, tomorrow I’ll start my morning walk.” If you want to create a habit, start now. Feed your habit.

4. Follow a role model

Another way to weaken bad habits is to think of people who already have the habit you seek. For example, if you would like to cultivate getting things done on time, think of someone who always meets deadlines. Seek their company. Observe them and imitate their behaviour.

Seek the company of people of good character. Model your behaviour after such people, whether they are alive or dead. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.18

You don’t have to know the person for this technique to work. It doesn’t have to be a living person. For example, you can model your behaviour based on a historical figure such as Socrates or Marcus Aurelius. The technique will likely work as long as you can vividly imagine how this person would have acted in a given situation.

5. Practice consistently

A habit can weaken and eventually fade if we don’t practice it, but if we want to maintain it, we must practice it regularly.

This is why we shouldn’t be content just to learn, but add practice, followed by training. Over time, we get into the habit of doing the opposite of what we learn and use opinions that are the opposite of correct ones. So, unless we apply the correct opinions, we will just be interpreting other people’s judgments. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.9

6. Imagine yourself with the habit

Another thing that helps create a desirable habit is visualizing yourself with and without that habit. Do you want to be the person with that bad habit? When you start vividly imagining how you will be with and without the undesirable habit, you will gradually be drawn toward the desirable habit and away from the undesirable one.

How to break habits

Over time, we pick up many habits that are not good for us, such as routinely grabbing some junk food, mindlessly watching some TV show, or getting upset over some trivial thing. How do we break undesirable habits? If you are troubled by habits like these, how do you break them?

1. Don’t feed the undesirable habit

Every habit gets weaker every time you refuse to feed it, so don’t feed the bad habit. Don’t tell yourself, “Just one more cigarette will not hurt me.” It will. Instead, say to yourself, “If I skip just this cigarette, I will be a little bit closer to stopping smoking.” Use your rational mind to guide yourself.

So, if you don’t want to be bad-tempered, don’t feed the habit. Don’t do anything that will strengthen the anger habit. Calm down. Don’t be angry today. Or the following day. Count the number of days you can go without getting angry. “I used to be angry every day. Then every other day. Then every third,” and so on. If you manage to spend thirty days without getting angry, give thanks to God. Your habit was weakened at first and then destroyed. If you continue like this for three or four months without your passion causing you distress as it did before, believe me, you are in excellent health. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.18

2. Develop a contrary habit

One of the best ways to break a habit is to do something else in its place. Let’s call it a contrary habit. This means finding a behaviour that is easy to substitute. Instead of mindlessly watching TV, you might go for a walk. Since you cannot walk and watch TV simultaneously, the TV habit becomes weaker. Do it enough times, and you break the TV habit. At the same time, you also strengthen a desirable habit, walking. It works for mental habits as well. If you quickly get angry, you may want to slowly and consciously breathe in and out ten times the next time you get angry. Since you cannot consciously breathe and be angry simultaneously, the anger that grips you loosens. You may not be that angry after you have finished breathing.

Check each habit with a contrary habit. If sophistry, then the art of reasoning. Against false impressions, we should have clear preconceptions polished and ready for use. Epictetus, Discourses 1.27

Once you start practicing the contrary habit, the habit you want to eliminate will gradually weaken.

3. Practice the contrary habit often

The more you practice the contrary habit, the easier it will be to make it permanent. So, don’t miss an opportunity to practice the contrary habit. Every time you go for a walk and get an urge to watch TV, you weaken the TV habit. Whenever you substitute calm breathing whenever you start to get angry, you weaken the anger habit.

4. Follow a role model

Just as you can model a person while making a habit, you can also model a person to eliminate a negative habit. Next time you are irritated, think how that person would have reacted if they were in your situation. You’ll see reacting with irritation is your choice and not a natural reaction to the situation you face; this, if done consistently, weakens the negative habit. It will also help if you associate with people who already have the habit you want to develop. However, you can still follow the example of people who are no longer living.

5. Use your power of reason

Consider why you want to break the undesirable habit and how it will help you. Alert yourself to the dangers of the undesirable habit.

When you become greedy, if you use reason to alert you to the danger, your passion will subside, and your mind will be returned to its former balance. But if you don’t do anything, the mind will not return to its balanced state but will be excited by another impression, yielding to passion even more quickly. If you keep yielding to passion, the mind will become insensitive to greed. Eventually, greed will become entrenched. - Epictetus, Discourses 2.18

6. Imagine how you want to look at yourself

Another thing that helps break a bad habit is visualizing yourself with and without that habit. Do you want to be the person with that bad habit? When you start vividly imagining how you will be with and without the undesirable habit, you will gradually be drawn towards the desirable habit and away from the undesirable one.

Following the six suggestions for making a habit and the six Stoic suggestions for breaking a habit will make creating and breaking a habit easier.

PRACTICING STOICISM

The ancient Stoics offered simple and effective solutions to everyday problems. And yet, just knowing the basics will not get you far. Neither will random reading of Stoic literature. To achieve happiness and freedom, you must consistently commit yourself to practicing Stoicism. Every day. Practice is key. Musicians do it. Athletes do it. No excellence can be achieved without practice. We are here to help you all the way. So, fellow Prokoptons, we are glad you joined us by committing to practicing Stoicism daily!

If you are not yet a part of the prokopton community, please consider joining us. It may be one of the best decisions of your life.

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