How to be your own master

Self-discipline is key to a well-lived lfie

I was reading this poem about Alexander Selkirk the other day.

I am monarch of all I survey,
My right there is none to dispute. - William Cowper, The Poems of William Cowper

It got me thinking. What if you were the monarch of everything you see? Would your life be happy, fulfilled, and well-lived?

• You may be rich. Can it keep you from becoming ill? Or prevent you from getting into an accident?

• You may be famous. Can that make a bruise feel less painful? Will your headache be more bearable?

• You may be powerful. Will it stop you from getting old? Will it keep you from dying?

Sure, money can provide a certain amount of security and comfort. Fame can open some doors for you. Power may help you get some things you want. But even if you have all of them, you won’t get all you want. History is replete with people with money, fame, and power dying heartbroken, diseased, reviled, unfulfilled, or alone. So what’s the point of being wealthy, famous, and powerful if our lives are not well-lived?

Even more importantly, is there a path to a well-lived life that does not require us to become masters of many things outside of us?

Yes, there is. Being masters of ourselves. It is the only way to be free.

No man is free who is not master of himself. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.1

To be your own master, you need only conquer yourself. It is easier, under your control, and much less complicated than controlling the outside world.

Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power. - Seneca, On the Happy Life, 15.7

You are more powerful when you control yourself than when you try to control others. So, how do we control ourselves? Through self-discipline. How do we develop self-discipline? Here’s how.

1. Choose an area to train yourself

When you are self-disciplined, you act with thought and restraint. You do not let others’ expectations buffet you; you do what you think is right. To achieve such self-discipline, it is best to start small and focus on one area. For example, if you are quick to anger, you may want to be more disciplined about anger. If you have a problem completing what you start, you may want to be more disciplined about that.

Let’s say you decide to work on your anger. You can make this your focus for the next several weeks or months. Learn about what you can do when you get angry. This could be suggestions like, “Take ten deep, slow breaths before reacting,” or interrupting your angry thoughts with a challenge like, “If I don’t react with anger just this once, will my life be any different a year from now?” Remind yourself often of such possible reactions in case you get angry. Knowing what to do when angry will not make you less angry. But consistently training yourself to practice what you have learned will help.

Practical training should absolutely follow learning a lesson. Otherwise, learning the lesson is pointless. - Musonius Rufus, Lecture 5

As Epictetus reminds us,

Progress is not achieved by luck or accident but by working on yourself daily. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.18

2. Don’t give up too soon

How do you become an athlete? You train regularly. How do you become a musician? You practice regularly. It is so in everything you want to excel. It is ridiculous for someone to say, “I have been training to be a world-class athlete. It’s already six months, and I am not any closer to becoming a great athlete,” or, “I have been training to be a concert pianist for three months. I don’t think I have made much progress. I’m giving up.” We intuitively understand that anything worthwhile takes time to achieve.

Yet, when it comes to self-discipline, we give up too easily. We come up with excuses such as, “I don’t have the willpower,” “It is too difficult,” or “Maybe I’ll do it some other time.” We are easily enticed by temporary rewards that accompany a lack of discipline.

You go back to your former habits. Your desires and aversions, impulses, designs, and plans don’t change. You pray and desire for the same things. You don’t look for someone to steer you in the right direction but are actually offended by any advice. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.17

3. Don’t give up even when you face hardship

Even when we don’t give up too soon, a time will come when we will face hardship. You may not progress for a long time. You may have to endure hardship. When we face hardship, we tend to give up. Why get up on a cold morning and suffer the punishments of a rigorous schedule when you can stay in bed, which is much more pleasant? When we try to avoid hardship when it is necessary to achieve our goal, we give up self-mastery and let circumstances control us.

If it's endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.30

If we aim to be our masters, let’s endure hardship, stop complaining, and keep going even when we face hardships.

4. Aim for small wins

Another obstacle to self-mastery is our impatience for quick results. We are disappointed if our efforts do not bring about immediate results. But big wins take time and effort. Meanwhile, we can look for small wins. If you want to be free of anger, for example, you try to be conscious of your tendency to be angry and guard yourself against it. Yet you may find that you cannot control it all the time. Instead of getting frustrated about being unable to control your anger every time you are angry, you may want to feel happy every time you are able to control yourself. Try to increase your small wins until they become more and more frequent. Let not your mind weaken by attempting too much, all at once.

You should not allow the efforts of your mind to weaken and grow cold. Hold fast to it and establish it firmly, so the mind's efforts become habits of the mind. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 16

If you take care of the mind's efforts even when the results are small, eventually, small wins will snowball into major wins.

Takeaways

We constantly try to control the outside world without much success. It will be much more worthwhile to control your inner world through self-discipline. To build self-discipline,

1. Don’t undertake too much at the beginning.

2. Don’t give up too quickly.

3. Don’t give up when you face hardship along the way.

4. Don’t look for big wins. Celebrate small wins.

Try this simple exercise

Think of the number of times you have started something in earnest but gave up because you took on too much, it took too long, or it was too hard. What if you had undertaken only what you could handle and refused to give up even if it took too long and was difficult? Next time, before undertaking a project,

1. Make sure you can handle it. If not, take on a smaller project.

2. Once you undertake to do something, stay with it, however long it takes.

3. Do not give up because it is hard.

4. Celebrate small wins and be motivated to continue.

---

HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF STOICISM—AND BE YOUR OWN MASTER

Become a paid member to get the most out of Stoic ideas such as the above. What do you get when you become a paid member? In addition to what you receive now, you will also receive:

1. Every weekday: Prokopton Daily.A specially written email containing thoughts for the day and an action plan.

2. Every Saturday: Prokopton Letter: Blog dealing with our everyday life.

3. Every Sunday: Prokopton Monthly: Lesson for the month, Exercise for the Month, and special articles spread over four Sundays.

I look forward to welcoming you!

Stoic practice has the power to change your life.

If you are not yet a part of the prokopton community, please consider becoming a paid member.

It may be one of the best decisions of your life.

071224