Using adversaries to our advantage
Adversities are opportunities to strengthen ourselves
Tesla vs. Edison
We fear adversity and don’t want adversaries, but we don’t have a choice. Adversaries enter our lives whether we like them or not.
Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla, both brilliant inventors, were fierce adversaries. At the end of the 19th Century, they were fighting to dominate the race to electrify the world. Edison championed direct current (DC), while Tesla advocated for alternating current (AC). Their competition was intense, with public demonstrations, misleading messages, and even smear campaigns. Their opposing views and desire to prove their system superior fueled this rivalry, ultimately accelerating electricity development and adoption.
Edison's relentless pursuit of improving his DC system and Tesla's groundbreaking innovations with AC pushed the boundaries of electrical engineering at an unprecedented pace. The world benefited from both their successes, and while the competition was bitter, it ultimately led to a more electrified and modern world. Tesla and Edison were adversaries. But each of them used the other to excel in their inventions.
Adversity is not something to be feared. Handled properly, it can turn to our advantage. We can use adversarial relations to better ourselves.
Advantage as the flip side of adversity
Advantage is the flip side of adversity. The headwind that slows down planes is the same tailwind that speeds up planes in the opposite direction. The uphill that is so hard to climb is the same as the downhill that is so easy to navigate. The same pouring rain is advantageous to farmers but disadvantageous to tourists. In Jiu-Jitsu, a person's weight (an advantage) is used against them. Adversity or advantage does not depend on what happens. The wind just blows. The hill just is. Rain is just rain. A martial arts move is just a martial arts move. Adversity is an advantage when we look from a different angle, and it can serve us well.
Whatever happens outside of us is neutral; only we judge things and events as good or bad, advantageous or disadvantageous. Once we understand this, we may look for ways to turn adversities into advantages. Even if we cannot turn every adversity into an advantage, we will still reduce their negative effects.
Fools spoil even their friendships, while the wise are able to make a fitting use of their enmities. - Plutarch, Moralia, How to Profit by One's Enemies
Here we will see how we can use the actions of our adversaries to our advantage.
1. Use adversaries to learn about your shortcomings
Who is constantly looking for our faults and weaknesses? It is not us, and it is not our friends, either. Our adversaries are those who don't care for us and want to denigrate us. They would like to ridicule and bring us down by pointing out our faults. We may be tempted to retaliate by pointing out their faults and being defensive. We may feel we are treated unfairly by our adversaries.
Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes
We can turn this to our advantage by treating it as an opportunity to understand and eliminate our weaknesses. There are two ways to do this:
a. Seeing what we are hiding
Because we are more likely to hide our faults from our adversaries than our friends, we can ask ourselves, "Which aspects of me would I not want my adversary to see?" We can use this insight to understand and eliminate our faults.
b. Learning from the criticism
Instead of getting defensive and indulging in counterattacks, we can pay closer attention to our adversaries' criticism and examine whether it has substance. If it is true, we can use it as an opportunity to eliminate our faults. If it has no substance, it means nothing to us, and we can use it to practice virtue (See 3 below).
If anyone can show me and prove to me that I am wrong in my thinking or in my actions, I will gladly change. I am only after the truth. Truth doesn’t harm anyone. Persistent self-delusion and ignorance do. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.21
2. Use adversaries as '‘teachers without a fee”
Practicing virtue with friends is easier than practicing it with adversaries. So adversaries provide a true opportunity to practice virtuous behaviour. We can refrain from responding unthinkingly, thus practicing moderation; we may refrain from exhibiting aversion to their behaviour, practicing courage. Even though they were unkind to you, you can be kind to them, thus practicing justice. When we choose to behave this way, our behaviour becomes wise. So our adversaries become our teachers, and we don't have to pay them a fee for our lessons.
What hinders you from taking your enemy as your teacher without a fee, thereby profiting, and thus learning, to some extent, the things you were unaware of?" - Plutarch, Moralia, How to Profit by One's Enemies
3. Use adversaries as “anti-role models”
If we find our adversaries' criticisms unjustified, we should ask ourselves why that should upset us. To expect them to behave otherwise is foolish.
You are longing for a fig in winter. For as winter is to a fig, so is everything that arises from the general order of things in relation to what is destroyed. - Epictetus, Discourses, 3.24
If you think about it, isn't it your fault to think that things can be otherwise?
It is clearly your mistake if you thought that such people would behave in any other way... - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.42
What should we do then? Avoid being like them. First, we should check ourselves to see if we behave like them. Whenever Plato was in the company of those who were unseemly, he would ask himself, "Is it possible that I am like them?" Once you decide you don't want to behave like your adversary, you chart your own course. Don't try to get even. Don't sink to their level.
Not to be like that is the best revenge. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.6
So, if you find yourself being unfairly attacked, the best thing you can do is not imitate your adversary's behaviour but avoid behaving like them. They become your anti-role models. You observe their behaviour so you can avoid behaving like them.
4. Use adversaries to develop resilience
While we all want to avoid adversity, our resilience will neither be tested nor increased without it. We build muscle by resistance training. A boxer becomes a better one by practicing against an adversary. A country that has seen many battles is less easily defeated than one that has never faced an enemy.
What would have become of Hercules if there had been no lion, hydra, stag, boar, or brutal criminals? What would he have done without such challenges? - Epictetus, Discourses, 1.6
Our adversaries challenge us. In meeting the challenge, we become stronger.
Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men. - Seneca, On Providence, 5
Instead of being frightened by adversity, we can use it as an opportunity to strengthen ourselves.
Takeaways
Adversities and adversaries are a fact of life. But this doesn't have to be bad news. We can use our adversaries to our advantage.
Adversaries are quick to spot our shortcomings. We can work to overcome them.
Adversaries point to what we are trying to hide from others. We can learn from their criticism.
When their criticisms are unjustified, we can observe our adversaries and try not to be like them.
We can use our adversaries to build our resilience.
Try this simple exercise:
Think of an adversary you may currently have or have had in the past. See what you can learn from them to become a better person.
Did they point to any of your shortcomings? Instead of defending yourself, examine if their criticisms could be true. If so, use this insight to overcome your shortcomings.
Examine whether your adversary's criticism points to things you want to hide from others and even from yourself.
If their criticism is unjustified, avoid being like your adversary.
Think of it as a training opportunity to build strength against adversity.
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Fantastic! I have a meeting in the morning with neighbors. It’s going to get contentious. I can visualize the disagreements. But now I can prepare so I can act and behave like a Stoic!
What your adversaries say about you may often be more true than what your friends say about you.