The power of silence

Silence can be much more powerful than talking

Silence in Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

Fred Rogers, the gentle host of the TV show Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, was known for his deliberate pacing and use of silence. During a Senate subcommittee hearing in 1969, Rogers was asked to justify the show's value because it had been receiving public funding. The senators were skeptical and were not in the mood to renew funding for the show. Knowing what was at stake, Rogers didn't give a long, passionate speech. Instead, he calmly described his show's purpose, emphasizing children's emotional needs and the importance of quiet reflection.

Then, he paused. A long silence filled the room. For nearly a minute, he said nothing, letting his words sink in.

The stillness captivated the senators, who were used to loud political debates. When Rogers continued, his quiet conviction had changed the atmosphere, and the funding was restored. That moment proved that the most powerful communication sometimes comes not from many words but from thoughtful silence.

Ancient philosophers did not take kindly to chatterers. When a chatterer repeated some silly stories and asked Aristotle,

“I have wearied you with my talk!”

“Heavens, no! I wasn't listening,” replied Aristotle. — Plutarch, Moralia, Book 6 (On Talkativeness)

When Zeno was at a party for the king's envoys, everyone talked incessantly and showed off their knowledge, but Zeno kept quiet. Some strangers came up to Zeno and asked him,

‘What will we tell the King about you, Zeno?”

“Nothing, except that an old man at Athens can hold his tongue at a drinking party.” - Plutarch, Moralia, Book 6 (On Talkativeness)

The power of silence

There is beauty and power in silence.

It is the emptiness of an enclosed space that makes a room. The space that follows words enables us to understand what we read. It is the rest between workouts that keeps us going. If there is no space between walls, it cannot be a room. If there is no space between words, we can hardly make sense. If there is no pause between workouts, we won't be able to continue for long.

Wherever we look, it is the pause; the silence defines what happened and what follows. A pause refreshes. Spaciousness is nothingness—a lack of clutter—silence.

Music is the space between the notes. - Claude Debussy, French composer

Yet, we seem to have no control over our chattering minds. Our conversations with others—both in person and on social media—seem out of control. People talk over each other and are eager to be abusive to each other without ever listening to the other's point of view.

Let's see why we should cultivate silence and pause instead of talking constantly.

1. A pause enables us to form better judgments

One of the ways we frequently get into trouble or act foolishly is by failing to assess our automatic judgments. Whenever someone says something or acts in a certain way, we make snap judgments such as:

• She is angry.

• He doesn't like me.

• They are rude.

• He is hostile.

In Stoicism, these snap judgments are called 'impressions'. If we don't pause and examine them further, we act on them even when they are incorrect, which can lead to misunderstandings and unwise decisions.

Silence is a lesson learned through life's many sufferings. - Seneca, On Anger, 3.28

We can avoid much suffering if we learn to pause and examine our impressions in silence—much of our unhappiness results from our mind’s agitated response to things.

All human unhappiness comes from not knowing how to stay quietly in a room. — Blaise Pascal

Many of our foolish responses are the result of our constantly chattering minds. If we practice silence, we can avoid saying:

When I think over what I have said, I envy the mute. - Seneca, On Anger, 3.36

There is wisdom in silence. A pause creates a gap between one thought and another and between a thought and an action. Such gaps can lead to wiser thoughts and considered actions.

2. It is better to be thought of as stupid than to be stupid

We can't talk and listen at the same time. This means when we are talking, we are not listening. We don't allow the other person's thoughts to enter the conversation because we monopolize it. So, even when we speak with someone more knowledgeable than us, we learn nothing. We come out of the conversation as ignorant as we went in because we only heard our thoughts. When Zeno found that someone was talking nonsense, he said:

The reason why we have two ears and one mouth is that we may listen twice as much as we speak. - Diogenes Laertius, Book 7 (The Stoics), Zeno

People cannot stop talking because they fear being considered stupid. But often, the opposite is true.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. - Attributed to Abraham Lincoln (Also to Mark Twain)

We think that we can impress people by talking constantly. But our talking impresses others much less than we imagine. It may well be that we would be considered wiser when we don't speak than when we do, as this Biblical quote says:

Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is considered wise; when he shuts his lips he is deemed a man of understanding. - MEV, Proverbs 17:28

We will likely learn more and act more wisely when we talk less and pause often while speaking.

3. Cultivating silence

We should train ourselves to be silent, pause, and listen when talking.

Don't indulge in unnecessary chatter. Avoid gossiping about others. Speak with precision and speak about what really matters. - Epictetus, Encheiridion, 33

This does not mean that you should withdraw from all conversations. Human beings are naturally gregarious and seek the company of other people. We mean here that we should refrain from talking without thinking and be comfortable in our own company without the urge to talk all the time.

The fact of nature [is] that people are gregarious and sociable, and enjoy one another's company. However, one should also be skilled in this—the ability to be self-sufficient and be able to live with oneself [...] We should be able to converse with ourselves, to be self-reliant, and not be helpless. - Epictetus, Discourses, 3.13

We need to understand that there is a time to speak and a time to be silent and listen.

It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 56

There is no need to withdraw from conversations and refrain from speaking at all times. All that is asked of us is:

First, learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus, Discourses, Book 2, Chapter 11

Nothing is wrong when we have something worthwhile to say or participate in a harmless conversation. But we should avoid speaking when we have nothing worthwhile to say or when the conversation turns into harmful paths such as gossip, slander, and other harmful avenues.

Takeaways

We rush to fill any gaps in conversation, whether we have something to say or not. We often talk over each other, barely having any time to listen. But silence can be powerful. We listen properly when we are not tempted to interrupt the other person.

1. A pause enables us to form better judgments.

2. People are less likely to form a negative opinion of us when we refrain from constantly speaking.

3. Cultivate silence instead of indulging in harmful talk and gossip.

Try this simple exercise

Think of two people in your experience: one who is quite talkative and interrupts others frequently; the other, who always waits for the other person to complete what they say before speaking. Who do you think is more thoughtful? Who do you respect more?

What is your style? Do you frequently interrupt others? Do you often speak before pausing to consider what the other person said?

Do you participate in gossip and harmful conversations just to be sociable? What would happen if you kept silent in those situations?

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