Stoic happiness 3: Knowing what to choose (Moderation)
Avoiding excesses, being self-controlled, organized, orderly, and modest
Moderation is knowing what to choose
Your highest quality is the power to choose. Everything else you have is subject to that, but the power to choose itself is unrestrained and absolute. - Epictetus, Discourses, 2.10
Every day, we are confronted with many choices:
Should I have another drink?
Should I party all night long?
Should I make another million dollars?
Should I lobby for my next promotion?
Should I retaliate against this person who offended me?
Does it matter how I do things?
Questions like these become important because answering “yes” to them may lead to the same question again. For example, if you answer “yes” to the question, “Should I have another drink?” you may have to answer the same question again once you finish that drink.
The power to choose concerns our impulses to act in a certain way, which may not be necessarily rational. Moderation is a means of rationalizing our choices.
Moderation is knowledge of what to choose, what to reject. - Stobaeus, 2.5b
Moderation is applying the brakes to our runaway impulses. Using moderation, we stabilize our impulses so we don’t act in harmful ways. For example, we are carried away by our desire for externals such as money or possessions. These are externals and not good or bad in themselves. They can be good or bad depending on the purpose for which they are chosen and how much is chosen. Eating can be healthy, but overeating can be harmful. Making money to feed and clothe yourself may be rational, but making money obsessively may not be. What is good and bad is decided by why the choice is made. Moderation is the special skill of knowing the difference. It restrains our unhealthy passions so we don’t harm ourselves.
Moderation involves several skills, such as being orderly, organized, modest, and having self-control. Self-control is a part of moderation. Self-control is resisting those pleasures that are not rational. For example, a person with self-control will not be angry with others or indulge in excessive eating or drinking. Such behaviours would be irrational because of their negative consequences. Orderliness and organization are also aspects of moderation. So a modest person will know what to do and in what order, what to move towards and what to move away from. A moderate person will also be modest in the sense that they would know how to react to proper criticism by others.
How do you practise moderation? Here are some thoughts:
1. Avoid excesses
Why avoid excesses? If one drink is good, why not two? If two is good, why not three? If one piece of cake is good, why not two? Or three? If a mild reprimand works, why not indulge in harsh reprimands? When people find something good, they generally assume more of the same is better. We can see the destructive effects of extremism in politics, religion, etc. We can see it in people accumulating wealth they cannot spend in their lifetime, who have no intention of sharing with anyone, no matter how deserving. Epicurus, the philosopher of pleasure, cautioned us to avoid pleasures that will lead to pain later. How do we know which of our needs are worth fulfilling and which are worth being cautious about?
There are two categories of desires: natural desires and desires of opinion.
Natural desires
Desire for water when thirsty, food when hungry, shelter, and the like are natural desires. These desires are common to all of us and are easy to fulfil. They don’t lead to excess. Once your thirst is quenched, you don’t have the desire to continue drinking; once you are no longer hungry, you don’t have the urge to eat. Natural desires are created by nature, and nature provides the means to fulfil them. Fulfilling these desires is desirable and necessary. They don’t generally lead to excess.
Desires of opinion
In contrast, the desire for exotic drinks, gourmet food, and fancy houses is a desire based on opinion. For example, a modest home that fulfils the need for shelter is not too difficult to acquire for some. But if you are not happy with a modest home and want a mansion instead, yours is not a natural desire but a desire of opinion. What makes it so is that a modest home can shelter you from the elements as well as a mansion.
Not all desires of opinion are incompatible with virtuous action. For example, the desire to earn a living to provide for oneself and others is a rational desire. Fulfilling such desires is compatible with virtue. Again, if you wish to enjoy wealth and other things that come your way, there is nothing wrong with it. It is all right to enjoy material comforts, whether they come your way or you acquire them. But when we believe they are needed for our happiness, we become slaves to external objects.
A major problem with the drive to acquire material things is that there is no logical stopping point. Once our desire is fulfilled, a new desire takes its place. You move from a smaller house to a bigger house. After some time, you may want to move to a bigger house, and then another even bigger one. Millionaires want to be multimillionaires, multimillionaires want to be billionaires, and so on. The goalpost keeps shifting.
Natural desires are limited; those which spring from false opinions have nowhere to stop. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 16
When to be careful
So, to know if we are indulging in excess, first figure out the category of your desire: Is it a natural desire, a desire of opinion compatible with wisdom and other virtues? If it is not a natural desire or a desire of opinion compatible with virtue, be careful not to indulge too much without evaluating long-term consequences. You have to weigh the enjoyment of drinking with becoming alcohol-dependent; craving for sweets with its possible effect on your health; passion for accumulating wealth with the things you give up (such as family life, your health, or integrity) to achieve it.
2. Practice self-control
Our impulses call for immediate gratification—for example, being angry with someone because they insulted you, having another drink even though you have been drinking all night, or lying about something because it is convenient to do so. All such impulses are emotionally driven and can offer immediate gratification. However, looking at it rationally, we may realize that such impulsive reactions will work against us in the long run, leading to unhappiness.
Self-control is an unmatched understanding of what is revealed by sound reasoning, or an unbeatable state of mind that aligns with reason, or a condition that pleasures cannot overcome. - Stobaeus 2.5, Laertius 7.93
Moderation asks us to take control of our lives and not be pushed around by our impulses. For this reason, we need to practise self-control, which is the ability to follow the right reason instead of our impulses. When we have self-control, we are rational in our decisions. Thoughts of immediate gratification cannot defeat us.
Impulsive actions involve no thinking. We want to retaliate against someone who criticized us, have another piece of cake when we already had two, like something and want to buy it immediately, even though we are overextended on our credit card. If we pause and reflect, we may see that retaliating against someone may escalate the problem rather than solving it, having a third piece of cake may be unhealthy, and putting more on your credit card will likely lead to financial problems. Yet we act impulsively because we don’t take the time to think. Here are two suggestions to get you started on self-control.
a. Before you act, pause
Most impulses pass quickly. So whenever you are impelled to act, tell yourself, “This can wait another two minutes.” Divert your attention to something else for two minutes, such as noticing your breath or counting backwards from one hundred. Fully focus on that. After two minutes, the impulse's grip will most likely have loosened. Now, you can calmly assess the effect of your impulsive action against its consequences that might follow once your impulse is satisfied.
Reason gives us the ability to act or not act and to desire something or move toward or away from it by properly judging our perceptions or impressions. - Epictetus, Discourses, 1.1.70
We should use this ability given by reason to practise self-control. It may be difficult to do when we first begin to develop self-control. So, begin by controlling impulses that are not very strong. Gradually build your strength to resist destructive impulses and take charge of your life.
b. If it is too late, review
We are accustomed to acting on impulse. So, it is quite likely that, even before we realize, our impulses have already taken over our responses. This is almost inevitable when we start practising self-control. Review what transpired and how emotion took over your response when this happens. But becoming conscious of our failing is the first step towards correcting it.
The reason it is so difficult for us to regain our health is that we don’t realize that we are sick. Even if we begin to heal ourselves, how long will it take to get rid of all these harmful diseases? And yet, we have not even begun to look for a doctor! - Seneca, Moral Letters, 50
As we become increasingly aware of impulses' grip on our actions, we will start loosening them, gradually replacing them with actions driven by reason.
c. At other times, rehearse
How do athletes prepare themselves for the sporting event? A boxer, for example, has a sparring partner whom they fight, imagining them to be their adversary. If the event is a marathon, they practise running long before it. They rehearse well before the event. We can do the same. If we want to react rationally rather than emotionally to events, we may want to think of different situations in which we may act impulsively. Then we can imagine not acting impulsively but rationally. By such practice, we are likely to be reminded of the nature of our actions when the occasion arises. As a result of such mental practice, we are less likely to give in to emotional responses when a rational reaction is called for. We will be reminded of the nature of our action before we act.
Make it a habit to consider that when you are about to act, you should reflect on what kind of action it is. - Epictetus, Discourses, 4.10
3. Be orderly, organized, and modest
Included in moderation are three more qualities: modesty, orderliness, and organization.
Modesty means being aware of proper criticism. We should not take offence when someone criticizes us for something, especially when it is justified. Neither should we criticize others without justification.
Modesty is knowledge which is cautious about proper criticism. - Stobaeus, 2.5b
Moderation also means being orderly, knowing when to act, when to refrain from acting, and what to do now and later. A rational act in one context can become an inappropriate act if done at the wrong time or in the wrong place.
Orderliness is knowledge of appropriate and inappropriate motions; Organization is knowledge of when one is to act and what to do after what, and in general of the ordering of actions. - Stobaeus, 2.5b
Moderation involves refraining from excess and exercising self-control, knowing what to do and in what order.
Try this simple exercise
Keep a short journal with three parts:
Impulse Log: Note down one moment in your day when you felt a strong impulse (e.g., to eat, argue, scroll, spend, etc.).
Action Taken: What did you do—did you pause, give in, or resist? Why?
Reflection: What category was the desire—natural or opinion-based? What might a moderate response have looked like?
End each entry with a short note: “What will I do differently tomorrow?”
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