Overcoming helplessness
You have the resources to overcome helplessness
The feeling of helplessness
Why do we get angry? Because someone said or did something that we thought was offensive? Why are we afraid? Because we are anxious about the future? Why do we subject ourselves to any negative emotion? Because something or someone upset us?
It doesn’t matter why we are angry, afraid, or upset. We just feel that the situations and the people we face are difficult to deal with. We lack the confidence to find a rational solution. We know this to be true because we have seen people remain calm under aggravating conditions. They are confident that they can deal with hostile conditions. We lack similar confidence, and we attribute our lack of confidence to something outside of us: other people and our circumstances. But the reality is just the opposite. It is our inner lack of confidence that has created the outer difficulties with people and circumstances.
Our lack of confidence doesn’t come from difficulty; the difficulty comes from our lack of confidence. — Seneca, Moral Letters, 21
We get angry, upset, or depressed because we look at our problems and feel we are too impotent to face them. We feel helpless. We lash out against anything that we think is the source of our problem. Our negativity is often tied to our helplessness.
We overlook the resources we have
But we are NOT helpless. We have within us tremendous resources which we habitually fail to use. We are provided with resources to face every challenge we come across. Suppose someone says something negative about you. The first impulse may be to be angry with that person. But then you have the resource of patience, which you can use to choose not to be angry. You are at a gym, working out. You find it hard and feel like giving up. But you have the resource of endurance to keep going.
In fact, whenever you face a difficult situation, your first impulse is to give in to some negative emotion because of your (most likely) learned helplessness. So the next time you are about to give in to a negative emotion, ask yourself, “Do I have any resources within me that I can use without giving in too easily to this negative emotion?” You may be surprised to find that you have the resources to deal with the situation, and yet you are prematurely giving in.
Remember that for every challenge you face, you have the resources within you to cope with that challenge. If you are inappropriately attracted to someone, you will find you have the resource of self-restraint. When you have pain, you have the resource of endurance. When you are insulted, you have the resource of patience. If you start thinking along these lines, soon you will find that you don’t have a single challenge for which you don’t have the resource to cope. — Epictetus, Encheiridion 9
Try this exercise
Here is an exercise to train yourself in finding the resources you have.
Take a sheet of paper. Divide it into four columns.
In the first column, think of all the negative emotions you feel frequently.
In the second column, choose an example for each negative emotion.
In the third column, think of an internal resource you can use instead of giving in to the negative emotion.
In the fourth column, write down how the situation could have turned out differently if you had used that resource.
You can repeat this exercise many times and on different days, so the next time a negative emotion comes up, your first reaction will not be to give in but to examine what resources are available to you and use them.
As you repeat this exercise, you may be pleasantly surprised to know that you have more resources than you realize.
PRACTICING STOICISM
The ancient Stoics offered simple and effective solutions to everyday problems. And yet, just knowing the basics will not get you far. Neither will random reading of Stoic literature. To achieve happiness and freedom, you must consistently commit yourself to practicing Stoicism. Every day. Practice is key. Musicians do it. Athletes do it. No excellence can be achieved without practice. We are here to help you all the way. So, fellow Prokoptons, we are glad you joined us by committing to practicing Stoicism daily!
Great article and great timing. I have been busy with exams, university prep, and work, all happening within a week. The feeling of helplessness I felt struggling to balance between the 3 has been greatly overwhelming. I will be using the exercise and philosophy of the ancient to figure out my situation. Thank you for this :)
We are gifted. We have a superpower. We are able to chose not to be harmed.