How to have enough
Being content with what you have
“Not enough” is the theme music of our lives
Joseph Heller, author of Catch-22, one of the greatest novels of the 20th Century, was at a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island. Kurt Vonnegut, a fellow guest and another famous writer, jokingly asked Heller,
“Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host made more money yesterday than you did in your entire life with Catch-22?”
“But I’ve got something that he’ll never have.”
“What is it that you have that he doesn’t, Joe?”
“I have enough.”
No matter how much we have, we don’t seem to have enough. Discontent haunts us.
We will be happy when we get a job. Or when we get that promotion. Or when we go on holiday. Or when we get married. Or when we get divorced. Or when we have more money. Or when we retire. Even when we get what we want (as we often do), we feel it is the next thing that will do it. Our happiness is just around the corner, but we are not there yet.
Discontent is not confined to the poor or the obscure. You can find as many discontented people among the rich, famous, and the accomplished. This is true no matter how much we have, how accomplished we are, or how famous we are. No matter what we have, we don’t have enough. We are like the billionaire in the above story. Not many of us are like Joseph Heller.
Not having enough is the theme music of our lives - even when we are well-off. This discontent gnawing at our happiness is of such a low level of intensity that we hardly notice it.
What is enough?
So, how much money, how many material things, and how many relationships do we need to be content? Not much, says Marcus Aurelius, who ruled the largest empire of his time.
You need very few things to be happy. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.67
Seneca, probably the wealthiest private citizen of his time, agrees.
These words are by no means untrue, nor so surprising […] how much we possess that is superfluous; and how easily we can make up our minds to do away with things whose loss, whenever it is necessary to part with them, we do not feel. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 87
When we begin noticing how many rich and famous people are not content with what they have and how many people who have next to nothing seem to be content even if they have very little, we wonder what makes us content.
Stoicism offers many strategies we can use to move away from discontent to becoming content, to have the feeling of having enough. Let’s look at some of these.
1. Separate natural needs from opinion-based wants
Our discontent arises from two types of unfulfilled desires: Natural needs and opinion-based wants.
Natural needs are things like food, water, shelter, clothing, and the like. We need food and water to survive. We need shelter and clothing to protect us from the elements. Such needs are easy to fulfill. These needs are temporary, and once they are fulfilled, they go away. When you drink water, your thirst is quenched. When you eat food, your hunger goes away.
Opinion-based wants are things like money, exotic foods, fancy houses and clothes, reputation, prestige, and the like. They can never be fully satisfied because they are opinion-based. These needs are persistent, and once fulfilled, they grow stronger. If you are famous, you want to be more famous. If you become more famous, you want to be even more famous. If you have money, you want more money. If you have more money, you want even more. We constantly strive to reach our goal without ever realizing that our goalpost is always moving and is never reachable. This is how we become obsessed with money, fame, and power. This is how we become gluttons and alcoholics.
Natural desires are limited, but those which spring from false opinion can have no stopping-point. The false has no limits. When you are traveling on a road, there must be an end; but when astray, your wanderings are limitless. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 16
So, if you want to be content, learn to separate natural needs, which are easy to satisfy, from opinion-based wants, which continue to fuel discontent. Limit your opinion-based desires.
2. Look at what you have, not what you lack
We have a good job which pays us $100,000 a year. We are happy with it for a while. After a little while, all we notice is that we lack a job that pays us $150,000. We have a million dollars. We want five million. Our focus is always on what we don’t have and not on what we do have. No matter how little we think we have, right now, there are billions of people around the world who would be excited to have a life like ours: all we can eat, a roof over our heads, no arbitrary punishment, relative freedom and political stability, relative physical safety, access to healthcare, however limited - things like these are beyond the reach of billions of people around the world right now. Yet we are not content. Why? Because we don’t look at all the great things we have but only at what we don’t have. And what we don’t have, we probably can never have because of opinion-based desires with moving goalposts. We don’t see how many of the things we now have we will miss if they are taken away from us.
Don’t dream about things you don’t have. Instead, think about the best things you now have and how much you would crave them if you didn’t have them. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.27
Epicurus, often (mistakenly) associated with advocating fleeting pleasures, has this to say:
Anyone who does not think that what they have is more than ample is an unhappy person, even if they are master of the whole world. - Epicurus
3. Don’t mistake the treadmill for the racetrack
Your desires seem attractive before you achieve them but lose their attraction once you do. Do the things you bought last year, thinking that they would make you happy, make you as happy now as when you bought them? Or are you thinking of something else that will make you happy now? There is no harm in having more, but there is harm in believing your wants are your needs. You probably have most of the things you hoped for when you were young. See that, and you will realize that you are not on a racetrack but on a treadmill.
Fix a limit which you don’t want to exceed even if you could. Get rid of all those dangerous things. They look better to those who hope for them than for those who have attained them. Get rid of luxuries that are only for show. — Seneca, Moral Letters, 15
The only way to be content is not to crave more and more and more but to look at what you have, enjoy it fully, and limit your opinion-based desires.
Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. - Epictetus
Most of us already have enough or more than enough. We just need to know it.
PRACTICING STOICISM
The ancient Stoics offered simple and effective solutions to everyday problems. And yet, just knowing the basics will not get you far. Neither will random reading of Stoic literature. To achieve happiness and freedom, you must consistently commit yourself to practicing Stoicism. Every day. Practice is key. Musicians do it. Athletes do it. No excellence can be achieved without practice. We are here to help you all the way. So, fellow Prokoptons, we are glad you joined us by committing to practicing Stoicism daily!
This is so interesting. I've talked to a few people about how social media influencers, as the 21st century equivalent of the TV commercial celebrities of the 80s and 90s, are focussed on materialism, consumerism and appearance. There's much to be said for shunning those things and focussing on care, kindness and giving - the real human things that will be left behind in the hearts of people when we're gone
The story of Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller occurred at my former bosses home. When Heller passed, Kurt Vonnegut wrote a gorgeous tribute poem titled “Enough”. Thank you for a beautiful lesson that we find happiness in wanting what we have.