Facing adversity

Four ways to be resilient

We all face adversity, some of us more often than others. The cause could be someone we know, someone we don’t know, or some condition in our life we need to face: insults, isolation, illness, loss of material things or loved ones, poverty, betrayal, heartbreak, natural disasters, and so on. The list can be long, especially for those who are not resilient. Most of us are not good at facing adversity. We would rather be safe in our own world than face the difficulties that get in our way. And yet adversity often helps us move forward. We emerge stronger for facing and handling it. Adversity is the wind that propels the sailboat forward. Here are some suggestions for handling adversity:

1. Adversity has a short shelf-life

In general, adversity is short-lived. We tend to prolong it by plotting our counter-attack, brooding about it, getting angry, and so on. Our prolonging makes adversity a lot worse than it is. In life, adversity and good fortune alternate, which means that we can expect our conditions to change for the better.

In the day of prosperity let no one be over-joyed. In the day of adversity let no one faint; the successions of fortune alternate. - Seneca, Natural Questions, Book 3, Preface

It is less difficult to endure adversity when you know it is temporary and better times may be ahead.

2. Adversity is not personal

We tend to treat every misfortune and adversity that comes our way as personal. We ask, “Why me?” Yet, we know that when our flight is cancelled, it is not personal. When a cyclone destroys your home, it is not personal. Even when someone deliberately gets in your way, it is not personal. Given their genetics and upbringing, they acted in the only way they could have. There is a long chain of causality, and they are just a link in the chain. So when you face adversity, remember this: it is not personal. Things unfold as links in a long causal chain.

Has anything happened to you? Good. It’s supposed to happen. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.26

Most things are impersonal, and things are not as bad as they seem. The person who just insulted you may be going through a rough patch in their life. You just happened to be the object available to them against which they express their frustration. You are not the target. If somebody else were in your place, they would have been subjected to the same insult.

3. Adversity can be turned to your advantage

If you want to excel in any sport, you want to train with the best. For example, if you are a wrestler, you want to practice with the best wrestler. This gives you the best opportunity to not only maintain your current levels of fitness and expertise but also increase them. Weak opponents cannot be of much help.

"Each needs someone with whom one may make comparisons and investigations. Skilled wrestlers are kept up to the mark by practice."- Seneca, Moral Letters, 109

Adversity is like a wrestler, and strong adversity is like a strong wrestler. You can view the great adversities you face as wrestlers you were sent to practice with so you can increase your resilience. Seneca even suggests that,

"Fortune offers us opportunities … we ought to move and not to become frozen and still by fear. Nay, he is the best man who, through peril menaces him on every side and arms and chains beset his path, nevertheless neither impairs not conceals his virtue; for to keep oneself safe does not mean to bury oneself." - Seneca, On the Tranquility of Mind, 5

Adversity provides an opportunity to practice our goodness and to be a better person. It gives an opportunity to practice kindness or wisdom. Good cannot exist without bad. You can counterbalance what you see as bad with what you consider good. A situation will not look as bad if some good comes out of it.

Also, remember that once you go through adversity, you are better for it. The greater the adversity, the greater the gain when you go through it and come out unscathed.

What does not kill me makes me stronger. - Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

4. Adversity is not intrinsically “bad”

Adversities are external to us, and therefore, they are indifferents, neither good nor bad. Since they are not in our control, we should deal with them as they present themselves. They are bound to happen in the course of one’s life. Since indifferents are not essential for our happiness, we put them in perspective and examine what appropriate action we can take that would be compatible with virtue. We act accordingly.

"You have seen all that [adversity]. Now look at this. Your part is to be serene, to be simple… … Life is short. Get as much as you can from each passing hour." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.26

The next time you face adversity, remember it is not personal. It is temporary. See it as something designed to let you practice your resilience. Your job is to be serene and simple in the face of adversity and get the most out of your life in spite of the adversity you face.

When you see that adversity is temporary and impersonal, that there is nothing “bad” about it, and it can be turned to your advantage, you will be less bothered by it.

PRACTICING STOICISM

The ancient Stoics offered simple and effective solutions to everyday problems. And yet, just knowing the basics will not get you far. Neither will random reading of Stoic literature. To achieve happiness and freedom, you must consistently commit yourself to practicing Stoicism. Every day. Practice is key. Musicians do it. Athletes do it. No excellence can be achieved without practice. We are here to help you all the way. So, fellow Prokoptons, we are glad you joined us by committing to practicing Stoicism daily!

If you are not yet a part of the prokopton community, please consider joining us. It may be one of the best decisions of your life.

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