Cultivating harmlessness
Be harmless, act harmless, and be seen as harmless
We walk into a bar in a new town, look around, and feel safe or threatened. We think some people are approachable. Others, not so much. Some are easy to deal with, and others are difficult.
Why do we feel that some people are more approachable than others? Why do we feel safer in some places than in others? What quality decides whether we will be comfortable with certain people or surroundings?
I call it harmlessness. We are comfortable when we perceive a person or group of people as harmless. We are not so comfortable when we perceive potential harm. Our judgment may be incorrect. People who look intimidating could be harmless, and those who look gentle may be harmful. Yet most people are aware of the quality of harmlessness, even if unconsciously. What is the importance of being harmless and acting harmlessly?
Harmlessness as a Stoic virtue
Harmlessness is a part of the Stoic virtue of justice.
The first office of justice is to keep one man from doing harm to another, unless provoked by wrong. - Marcus Tullius Cicero, On Duties, 1.20
We all have the capacity to harm others to varying degrees. But, Seneca warns us:
Consider this above all: the power to harm is disgusting and detestable and utterly alien to a human being. - Seneca, On Anger, 2.31.6
Stoicism teaches us that we are part of our family, society, community, and world. It is for us to live harmoniously with nature. If we are part of our community, living harmoniously with nature also means living harmoniously with our fellow beings. We cannot harm them or make them feel we could harm them.
A byproduct of being seen as threatening is that other people may avoid us. This, in turn, may make us feel threatened because others do not seem to care for us. So, while it is important to be harmless, we should also try to be seen as harmless.
So, how do we practice harmlessness?
1. Avoid believing that you’ve been harmed
We think of harming others because we believe they have harmed or are likely to harm us. So, the first step in cultivating harmlessness is to give up the idea that we are harmed or can be harmed. But, most of the time, the harm we perceive in others is trivial, even imaginary. The moment we decide we are not harmed, the harm no longer exists.
Forget the belief ‘I’ve been harmed,’ and you won’t feel harmed. Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.7
Musonius Rufus emphasizes that nothing external can harm us, so there’s no need to inflict harm on anyone we think has harmed us.
A sensible person would not file lawsuits or indictments since he doesn’t believe he is injured. In fact, it is petty to be annoyed by such things. Rather, he will calmly and quietly bear what has happened as this is the right behaviour for someone whose purpose it is to be noble-minded. — Musonius Rufus, Lecture 10
At first, you may find this hard. So, you may want to follow Epictetus’ advice. You can start with really trivial things and see them as harmless. Then, you can move on to things that appear slightly more serious and see them as harmless.
We should discipline ourselves in trivial things, then move on to things of greater value. - Epictetus, Discourses, 1.18
As you continue this practice, you will gradually see that things you thought were harmful are not harmful at all. It is your failure to examine the impression properly that resulted in you thinking you have been harmed. Feeling secure will help you to live in a less threatening world. When you don’t believe you are harmed, you will be less inclined to entertain the thought of harming others.
2. Avoid acts of retaliation
Epictetus had a nice iron lamp, which he kept in his household shrine. One day, he heard a noise from the window. He ran down to investigate. When he got to his household shrine, he realized his lamp had been stolen.
How did he react? Did he get upset with the thief? Did he want to catch the thief and punish him? No, here is what he said:
I reasoned that the thief had an irresistible impulse to steal it. I said to myself, “Tomorrow get a cheaper, earthenware lamp. You can only lose what you have.” — Epictetus, Discourses, 1.18
Instead of thinking about retaliation, Epictetus thought about how he could stop his lamp from being stolen. There is no need to spend our time plotting to retaliate. We can avoid putting ourselves in situations that will tempt us to retaliate by being careful in the first place.
3. Avoid acts of revenge
What if someone has done really bad things? Should we not seek revenge? After all, even Cicero said, “The first office of justice is to keep one man from harming another unless provoked by wrong.” Are we then justified in seeking revenge or punishing them when provoked by someone else’s wrongdoing?
The Stoic position on this is clear. Punishment is justified only when it is expected to prevent wrongdoers from repeating what they did. If it cannot serve that purpose, we should avoid punishing for exacting revenge. Anger should never be a part of punishment. Even when the harm is grievous,
It is enough the aggressor should be brought to repent of his wrongdoing in order that he may not repeat the offence and that others may be deterred from doing wrong. - Seneca, On Duties, 1.11
If the intended punishment cannot achieve any of these goals, nothing is achieved by punishing the offender, and therefore, we should avoid it.
4. Avoid doing harmful favours
Sometimes, we may do favours to others, but it may do more harm to the receiver. If we offer to buy an alcoholic in a bar all he can drink, we may be harming rather than helping him. We may also do inappropriate favours to others to receive some benefit from them. In this case, we are not being generous but are being sycophantic.
Those who confer a harmful favour upon someone they seemingly wish to help are to be accounted not generous benefactors but dangerous sycophants. - Marcus Tullius Cicero, On Duties, 1.14.42
Such acts cannot be considered harmless and are best avoided.
5. Avoid being seen as harmful
People feel most threatened when they encounter people who are different from them. The more different they look, the more threatened we feel. Sometimes, we cannot help it. Things like our weight, the colour of our skin, the way we speak may not always be under our control. However, many other things, such as the inappropriate display of wealth and power and the exhibition of intellectual superiority over others, can easily be avoided.
The first thing philosophy promises is fellow feeling—sympathy and sociability—with all people. If we become different, we will be cut off from this. Let’s make sure that we take steps that will win us admiration rather than make us objects of hatred and ridicule. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 5
When we display our superiority without purpose, we may intend no harm. However, people may feel threatened and perceive us as harmful, hate or ridicule us. On the other hand, we will be seen as harmless if we cultivate sympathy and sociability.
Takeaways
Being harmless is a part of Stoic justice. So, we should look, act, and be seen as harmless. We can practice harmlessness by:
Not believing we are harmed;
Avoiding the impulse to cause harm in retaliation;
Avoiding the urge to exact revenge;
Avoiding doing favours that are harmful; and
Avoiding being seen as harmful.
Try these simple exercises
Recall a couple of instances where you felt threatened. Were you truly threatened? What would have happened if you had viewed the situation as harmless?
Recall a couple of instances where you had the urge to retaliate for some perceived harm to you. Suppose you considered this situation not harmful; what would you have felt or done?
Recall a couple of instances where you had the impulse to exact revenge for some perceived harm to you. Did you act on it to “teach a lesson” to the perpetrator? Suppose you refrained from thinking and acting this way; how would you have felt about yourself?
Recall instances where you have done favours for others without considering consequences, which turned out to be unwise. Decide to evaluate the consequences of doing favours indiscriminately.
Do you act in a way that sets you apart as superior to or different from others? Try to be in harmony with others by not emphasizing the difference between you and those around you.
The Power to Change
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