Change your perspective, change your life

You can enjoy life just by changing your perspective

Miserable emperors and happy commoners

Anaxarchus once told Alexander that the world we live in is not the only world and there are infinite other worlds. When he heard this, Alexander started weeping. His friends were concerned and asked him what was bothering him. He replied,

“Is it not worthy of tears that when the number of worlds is infinite, we have not yet become lords of a single one?” — Plutarch, Moralia, De Tranquillitate Animi

Compare Alexander to Crates, the Cynic philosopher who was one of Zeno’s teachers.

Crates, though he had but a wallet and a threadbare cloak, passed his whole life jesting and laughing as though at a festival. — Plutarch, Moralia, De Tranquillitate Animi

Alexander was an Emperor. Even before he turned thirty, he was the King of Macedonia, the King of Persia, and the Pharaoh of Egypt. He was tutored by Aristotle and was surrounded by philosophers of various schools. Yet, instead of being awestruck, he despaired when he learned that many worlds existed. He was looking at what he didn’t have (all those worlds in the galaxy) rather than what he did have (a large empire.)

Although born rich, Crates gave away his wealth, became a philosopher, and went through life joking and laughing. For Crates, life was a festival. He didn’t need wealth, power, or possessions to enjoy it.

Centuries later, the same theme was reenacted by two other characters: Napoleon, the Emperor, and Helen Keller, a commoner who was deaf, mute and blind.

Napoleon had everything men usually crave—glory, power, riches—yet he said at St. Helena: "I have never known six happy days in my life"while Helen Keller—blind, deaf …declared: "I have found life so beautiful." — Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

We can see this in our lives: Billionaires desperate to make more money, famous people envious of even more famous people, and people craving more exotic experiences and possessions. Conversely, we can also see joyous people who are neither wealthy nor powerful.

Most of us believe that to be happy, we should have more material things—money, power, and possessions—but how much do we need? Psychologists tell us that money, power, and possessions (beyond a certain basic level) do not make us happy or miserable. Similarly, the lack of money, power, and possessions (except under extreme conditions) does not make us happy or miserable. The above examples confirm that.

Stoics tell us that things like money, power, and possessions are indifferents. In and of themselves, they cannot affect us. We give them the power to control us by believing they have power over us. So, how do we ensure we don’t give externals the power to control us?

1. Rejoice, don’t lament

Helen Keller lacked sight, hearing, and speaking ability. She did not think about what she lacked but about what she still had and felt joyful. Alexander did not look at what he already had but considered what he lacked or hadn’t achieved —conquering this world and worlds beyond. These are two different perspectives:

• Perspective 1: Be grateful and appreciative of what we have and realize we need very few things to be happy. (Crates and Helen Keller)

• Perspective 2: Feel deprived of what we don’t have, fail to appreciate what we do have, and think we need those things we lack to be happy. (Alexander and Napoleon)

These differing perspectives created their joy and despair—not what the individuals had or did not have. A sense of gratitude leads to happiness, and a sense of entitlement leads to dissatisfaction.

The wise do not grieve for the things they don’t have, but rejoice for those which they have. — Epictetus, Discourses, 3.24

So, the Stoics advise us not to focus on what we lack but to rejoice in what we do have and recognize how we would crave it if it were not ours.

Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.27

When you stop feeling entitled to anything, everything becomes a gift. Rejoice about the things you have; don’t lament about the things you don’t.

2. No one escapes misfortunes

When we look at people in limited settings, we fail to realize that whether people are rich or poor, powerful or powerless, famous or obscure, they are all subject to the same human condition. Diseases that afflict poor, powerless, and obscure people also afflict the rich, powerful, and famous.

An aristocratic shoe does not rid us of the gout, an expensive ring of a hangnail, or a diadem of a headache. What power is there in money or fame or influence at court to help us gain ease of soul or an untroubled life? - Plutarch, Moralia, De Tranquillitate Animi

Parkinson’s disease afflicted actor Michael J. Fox in his early thirties. Christopher Reeve had a horse riding accident, resulting in a cervical spinal injury that left him paralyzed from the neck down. Wealth and fame cannot protect us from misfortunes. Neither can they protect the wealthy and powerful from losing their power and wealth.

Gold and silver are of no aid against fear and sorrow. Yet we imagine that the poor man is happy only if he becomes rich. - Seneca, Moral Letters, 17.3

So, let us not imagine that the rich, the powerful, and the famous are somehow exempt from misfortunes that afflict the rest of us.

3. The form is different; the misery is the same

When we are not wealthy, powerful, or famous, we look at those who are and feel they have all they need to be happy. We would also be happy if we had wealth, power, and fame. We labour under this illusion because they don’t face the problems we face: they don’t have to worry about balancing the budget, they don’t have to save all year to go on holidays, they don’t have to worry about job security, they can get into places we can’t get into. All this may be true. But they may have other problems instead: How can they make as much money as their friends? How can they be A-listers in their circle so they get invited to exclusive parties? How can they be well-respected in their social circles? Are they sufficiently sophisticated to move up the social ladder?

Yes, they may not have the problems we have, but they have their problems that are as tormenting to them as our problems are to us. All they succeeded in doing was to exchange one set of problems for another set. Their underlying misery is the same. They suffer the same way we do but for different reasons.

The forms change, but the substance remains. - Aldous Huxley, Proper Studies

It is a mistake to think that because others don’t have the problems we have, they are free and happy. A rich person who does not make as much money as they expect is about as miserable as someone who does not get as big a raise as expected at work. Remember, Alexander the Great was miserable because he hadn’t conquered the world, and Emperor Napoleon did not even have six happy days. Every life has its special challenges, and no one is exempt.

Wealth discovers some troubles of its own. Public office comes with worries and private life with cares; banishment has consolations and power its disquiet. - Seneca, On Consolation to Helvia, 5.1

Fortune does not change her course […] No, she strikes the powerful and the powerless alike and often crushes the man who sits on her highest throne." - Seneca, Moral Letters, 74.1

Once we understand these three principles, we will realize that the only thing worth cultivating is our character, which cannot be taken away. When we change our perspective, our lives change.

Takeaways

1. Life can be viewed from two perspectives: Appreciating what we have or feeling deprived of what we don’t. The former leads to joy, and the latter leads to misery.

2. We can appreciate what we have if we

   1. Feel grateful for what we have

   2. Realize that no one escapes life’s misfortunes

   3. Understand that people who have things we envy are subject to their own form of misery.

Try this simple exercise

1. Think of people who you think are rich, famous, and powerful.

2. If you think that they all live an idyllic life, think of celebrities who are slaves to drugs, go through bitter divorces, and lose money through unwise investments. Are they immune from the diseases that afflict the rest? Do they feel less pain? Are they less afraid of illness, old age, and death?

3. Realize the futility and irrationality of envy.

4. Now, think of some happy people who are not rich, powerful, or famous.

Concentrate on the only thing you can control—your character. No one can take this away from you.

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